Monthly Archive for August, 2006

Big Jerks: A Series. First up, Senator Ted Stevens!

Ah! Back from Costa Rica! More on that later though. In addition to my series on Things for Suckers, I feel it is necessary to let you all know my list of Big Jerks. It is a long list, so we better get started.

First on my list is Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK)! Come on down!

Quite possibly the biggest douche in all of douchedom, Stevens made my list shortly after he declared that the “Internet is a series of tubes.

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially…

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck.

It’s a series of tubes.

Tubes! The esteemed Senator was talking about our beloved interweb, of course. Specifically, he wanted to torpedo the Net Neutrality Bill, a bill endorsed by all sane people but stymied by Senators in the pockets of Big Telecom. Here is a primer on net neutrality in case you haven’t heard. While the Senator’s forays into technology are comedic, do not forget that this man makes the law. Funny, not so much.

He is also famous for profligate pork barrel spending, most notably the $223 million “Bridge to Nowhere,” which even the Heritage Foundation found obscene.

Anyway, Sen. Stevens was in the news again today, this time for delaying the progression of a bill that would require the government to publish online a database of federal spending, by placing a secret hold.

This Senator’s record is so abominable that the most prominently displayed issue on EFF‘s front page is an article and request of all citizens to Stop Senator Stevens From Monkeying with Your Freedoms! You can easily send a predrafted message to your senator through EFF’s page, but you should personalize it a bit.

Unfortunately, due to unconscionable incumbency levels in our American Congress, Stevens has been in the Senate for 37 YEARS. That means he has been re-elected SIX times. Thanks Alaska! Perhaps Alaskans are taking the Fidel approach to ousting the octogenarian Senator.

Even more alarming – Stevens is third in the line of succession for the Presidency, after the VP and the Speaker!

What you can do: Write your Senator. If you are in Alaska, for the love of God, please vote for the other guy!

My imaginary band

Wes and I are in an imaginary band. Well, I started the imaginary band, and I haven’t quite told Wes that he is in it, but he is. I really wanted to name the band Motion Picture Soundtrack. On the one hand, the name almost guarantees failure and relative (heh, heh)….obscurity. On the other hand, we would know that our fake band was the best if people waded through all the motion picture soundtracks out there to find us. That’s how you know you’ve really made it. When you can name your band something like just “The.” I think this is what “The Who” was thinking when they named their band.

Anyway, I told him we needed to buy the domain www.motionpicture immediately, if not sooner. Wes types in the URL to make sure it is not taken. Imagine our disbelief when we discovered that not only is the domain taken, its taken by a real band! Our spirits were crushed.

The other day, I was telling Wes about how maybe I wanted to get a Piaggio or a Vespa. Then I told him I thought better of it because I would feel and probably look like one of the World’s Fattest Twins. He cracked up and we talked about how this was an image burned in all our brains – a timeless example of American Kitsch.

And today, a few weeks later, it hit me. The name of our band.

The World’s Fattest Twins.


Two GREAT Movies

As a follow up to my post “Why Movies Suck in 2006,” I recently saw two terrific and timely movies.

First, I saw An Inconvenient Truth (2006). Terrific. Everyone complains that Al Gore is not very engaging but I was captivated, and we are talking about a documentary here. Expertly edited, I was never bored once during this movie, which I can’t say for Superman Returns. This heat wave is not an anomaly people. It is going to get worse every year. I would not be surprised if in the next 10-15 years we see regular 100 degree days in New York, and frequent 110 degree days. Those were temperatures I used to read about in the Guinness Book as only existing in Death Valley.

Second, I saw V for Vendetta (2005), which was absolutely brilliant. I had wanted to see this in the theaters but never got the chance. This movie is in IMDB’s top 250 now, so although I don’t think this movie raked it in at the box office, word is getting out. It simply kicks ass. It actually reminded me of another great-but-overlooked movie with Christian Bale called Equilibrium. So if you liked V, definitely check that out. One thing I didn’t know until afterward: V is played by Hugo Weaving, who played Elrond in Lord of the Rings. Basically the movie is about a vigilante who tries to rally the people to rise up against a totalitarian state. Timely indeed. Go rent it.