Big Jerks: A Series. First up, Senator Ted Stevens!

Ah! Back from Costa Rica! More on that later though. In addition to my series on Things for Suckers, I feel it is necessary to let you all know my list of Big Jerks. It is a long list, so we better get started.

First on my list is Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK)! Come on down!

Quite possibly the biggest douche in all of douchedom, Stevens made my list shortly after he declared that the “Internet is a series of tubes.

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially…

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck.

It’s a series of tubes.

Tubes! The esteemed Senator was talking about our beloved interweb, of course. Specifically, he wanted to torpedo the Net Neutrality Bill, a bill endorsed by all sane people but stymied by Senators in the pockets of Big Telecom. Here is a primer on net neutrality in case you haven’t heard. While the Senator’s forays into technology are comedic, do not forget that this man makes the law. Funny, not so much.

He is also famous for profligate pork barrel spending, most notably the $223 million “Bridge to Nowhere,” which even the Heritage Foundation found obscene.

Anyway, Sen. Stevens was in the news again today, this time for delaying the progression of a bill that would require the government to publish online a database of federal spending, by placing a secret hold.

This Senator’s record is so abominable that the most prominently displayed issue on EFF‘s front page is an article and request of all citizens to Stop Senator Stevens From Monkeying with Your Freedoms! You can easily send a predrafted message to your senator through EFF’s page, but you should personalize it a bit.

Unfortunately, due to unconscionable incumbency levels in our American Congress, Stevens has been in the Senate for 37 YEARS. That means he has been re-elected SIX times. Thanks Alaska! Perhaps Alaskans are taking the Fidel approach to ousting the octogenarian Senator.

Even more alarming – Stevens is third in the line of succession for the Presidency, after the VP and the Speaker!

What you can do: Write your Senator. If you are in Alaska, for the love of God, please vote for the other guy!

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