Monthly Archive for August, 2007

The greatest thing I ever read.

Elegant in its simplicity. Brutal and unassailable in its logic. I am talking of, of course, about the Ladder Theory. The Ladder Theory is, in the author’s own words, a “theory of adult male/female interaction,” first conceptualized in 1994 in Exeter, California.

It is flawlessly accurate. I encourage you to read through to the end, especially the discussion of “ladder theorists” in “Consequences of the Ladder” and also “Answers to Common Criticisms.” Upon reading Ladder Theory, I immediately became a disciple. Hopefully, with enough study, I can aspire to “ladder theorist.” Go read it for yourself and post your thoughts here. Also, while you’re at it, check out his Beethoven Theory as well.


I recently read a story that discussed how some pundit named John Gibson mocked Jon Stewart’s first monologue after 9/11, after which I wanted to see the monologue. Although Gibson’s diatribe is undeserving of any additional attention, it did bring light to the Stewart monologue, for which I am thankful. It was one of the most honest things I’ve ever seen. Watching it reminded me how I felt after the tragedy, and I was grateful for it. I encourage you to watch it as well, and have embedded it below.

Four NYC Subway Haikus

For those of you who don’t know, all the subways are fucked (AGAIN!) because of rain. Thats right, rain. What kind of bullshit is that? It’s not as though rain is new, or anything. I’ve chosen to express my disgust in haiku form.

subways are broken
at least i’m not from brooklyn
not so smug now, huh?

walking is for poors
sweating like an animal
swamp ass is a bitch

this is such B.S.
isn’t this america?
New York is third world

the M.T.A. blows
thank you for nothing bloomberg
what are taxes for?

Dirty Canadians

For some bizarre reason, Canadians have this reputation as being really nice people. I think that is total bullshit. First of all, many Canadians are actually French. Q.E.D., right there. Secondly, the last time I went to Niagara Falls, I remember the people there being total A-holes. And finally, there’s this:

A-Rod plunked in Yankees’ win over Jays
Roger Clemens made sure the Blue Jays paid for hitting Alex Rodriguez.

Four innings after Rodriguez was hit in the calf by Josh Towers’ pitch, Clemens plunked Alex Rios in the middle of the back. Clemens was tossed, and the Yankees went on to beat the Blue Jays 9-3 in Toronto on Tuesday night.

Towers (5-9) hit the Yankees’ slugger on the first pitch his second at-bat. Rodriguez immediately took a few steps toward the mound before he was cut off by umpire Angel Hernandez. The Yankees and Blue Jays spilled out onto the field. Toronto’s Matt Stairs had to be restrained by New York’s Andy Phillips as he tried to go after A-Rod at first base.

Several Blue Jays were angry at Rodriguez after he distracted Howie Clark on a key popup late in a game May 30, yelling at the infielder as A-Rod approached third base. Jesse Litsch threw behind Rodriguez’s legs in A-Rod’s first at-bat in Monday’s series opener. “I guess yesterday wasn’t a mistake,” said Torre.

Clemens (4-5) threw six shutout innings before he hit Rios with his first pitch of the seventh. “We got warned,” Torre said. “I guess in his (Hernandez’s) estimation, Roger hit him on purpose. It’s automatic at that point in time if he feels that’s the case.” Torre came out of the dugout and the Yankees infielders surrounded the entire umpiring crew as Clemens argued with Hernandez before leaving the field. It was the first ejection of the season for Clemens and Torre’s third.

I never had much respect for Clemens after he beaned Piazza, but fucking A, that is badass. Clemens will fuck with anyone. I’m with Clemens on this one. Toronto was owed.